Category: Websites

Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me […] The post I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake appeared first on The Onion.

The post Blindfolded ‘Love Island USA’ Contestants Challenged To Guess Who Saying Slur appeared first on The Onion.

The post Schtick-Starter appeared first on The Onion.

The pair said “I do” Friday after a whirlwind meeting with their tax preparer. The post Sara Morse and Beth Lozano appeared first on The Onion.

TENAFLY, NJ—According to Roosevelt Elementary custodian Thanasis Danielopoulos, faculty and staff at the school are often surprised when they learn that back in his home country of Greece, he was a demigod. “People are usually shocked when I tell them my mom was a maiden and my dad was a rain god who took the form […] The post Greek Custodian Used To Be Demigod Back In Home Country appeared first on The Onion.

BALTIMORE—Responding to widespread proliferation of the technology in Americans’ daily lives, doctors at Johns Hopkins University warned Thursday that air fryers should not be considered an adequate substitute for human companionship. “An air fryer can be a powerful and reliable tool, but it’s no replacement for genuine interactions with other human beings,” said psychiatrist Lisa McDougan, […] The post Doctors Warn Air Fryers Not A Substitute For Human Companionship appeared first on The Onion.

NEW YORK—Growing increasingly indignant with each passing possession, President Donald Trump reportedly spent the first quarter of Monday’s Game 3 of the NBA Finals angrily demanding that Knicks guard Jalen Brunson put on a suit. “You’re telling me this guy is supposed to be the star, yet he goes out on the court wearing, what, […] The post Trump Angrily Demands Jalen Brunson Put On Suit appeared first on The Onion.

The post Kylie Jenner Told Nachos Were Sent By Fat Joe appeared first on The Onion.

The post NYPD Attempts To Deter Terrorists At NBA Finals By Doubling Assassination Fees appeared first on The Onion.

The post Trump Claims He Never Promised A Livable Country appeared first on The Onion.