Tag: Humour

The Transportation Department issued a new rule requiring airlines provide customers with automatic cash refunds in the event of flight cancellations or significant delays, saving passengers a projected $500 million in the next year. What do you think?Read more...

NEW GLARUS, WI—Tsking her tongue with envy as she put the finishing touches on her teen’s at-home hairstyling, local mom Sandra Bennett told reporters Friday that she was pretty jealous of all the dick her daughter was going to pull with those highlights. “Honestly, I’m happy knowing what these dirty blond…Read more...

President Biden signed a bill into law banning TikTok nationwide unless the Chinese company that owns it, ByteDance, sells its stake in the app within a year. What do you think?Read more...

CHICAGO—Standing with the bride amid joyful tears from all present, heart transplant recipient Ronald Huger recently honored a dying wish from his donor when he walked the late pig’s daughter down the aisle at her wedding, sources confirmed Friday. “Your father wrote a letter before he passed away asking that whoever…Read more...

Recent reports have indicated that a number of female fans are thirsting over the Ghoul. The Onion asked women to explain why they are attracted to Walton Goggins’ mutant character in the new TV series Fallout, and this is what they said.Read more...

This uniquely shaped home made of bio-based materials hangs from the eaves of someone else’s garage so you won’t have to pay any property taxes. Must share with thousands of current residents.Read more...

WICHITA, KS—Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square still hadn’t removed its now-rotting Santa Claus from a seasonal display in the mall. “He looked nice when they first put him there, right after Thanksgiving, but now that he’s all…Read more...

Today, billions of readers like yourself navigated to The Onion seeking dispatches from America’s Finest News Source. Like so many have done through the decades, you doubtless entered the hyperlink in a glazed stupor, hoping to see reporting of grave importance. However, today, this was not to be. You see, The Onion is…Read more...

Rather than specify that a government, army, or police officer killed civilians, many news outlets prefer merely to say that those civilians “were killed.” The Onion investigates the pros and cons of using the passive voice in journalism.Read more...

PHILADELPHIA—Triumphantly punching through the air as they dodged an imaginary foe, the shadowboxing nation confirmed this week that they had just rewatched 1979’s Rocky II. “God, the part where Rocky’s training right-handed instead of southpaw—oh, and then the chicken-chasing scene! Man, young Sly always hits…Read more...

Britain's Got Talent has made something of a faux pas after telling everyone the tragic backstory of someone who turned out to be shit.

Like most people, I've been feeling the pinch lately. The cost of living crisis, inflation, and bills have all led to me facing some tight months, and I've been looking around for a way to make a bit of extra money to see me through.

This past quarter has been a tremendous success for Twitter. The verification process has moved to the next stage of its evolution, where I get to pick and choose who I deem worthy of verification, and this is obviously a very good thing.

Some pseudo-science shite has suggested the highly annoying thing you do might make you a genius or something.

Ashfield's very own moron-herder, and the nation's only Reform UK MP, Lee Anderson, has revealed the shocking results of a new poll which point to him winning a stunning re-election victory.

Labour has announced a plan to take the Conservative Party into public ownership within their first term in government.

ITV has announced that its hugely successful TV drama, 'Mr Bates vs The Post Office,' was far from a commercial success. It lost about a million pounds, resulting in many viewers urging them to check the software that gave them that figure.

A woman has today insisted she doesn't trust the government enough to get vaccinated against any 'made up disease', even though she's happy to let a beautician inject literal poison into her forehead three times a year.

Grown adults who clap when a plane lands are to be given lengthy prison sentences under strict new laws being introduced by the government, it has emerged today.

Local Rebel Simon Williams is channelling the spirit of anti-authoritarian rock by rejecting social norms and putting the jam on his scone first, it has emerged today.