News with a humourous edge
After ‘Mr Bates vs The Post Office’ loses £1m, ITV urged to check if their bookkeeping software is made by Fujitsu
25 April 2024 @ 8:41 am
ITV has announced that its hugely successful TV drama, 'Mr Bates vs The Post Office,' was far from a commercial success. It lost about a million pounds, resulting in many viewers urging them to check the software that gave them that figure.‘I just don’t trust any jab’, insists woman who happily injects literal poison into her forehead every six months
24 April 2024 @ 2:35 pm
A woman has today insisted she doesn't trust the government enough to get vaccinated against any 'made up disease', even though she's happy to let a beautician inject literal poison into her forehead three times a year.Prison sentences to be introduced for grown-ups who clap when a plane lands
24 April 2024 @ 1:49 pm
Grown adults who clap when a plane lands are to be given lengthy prison sentences under strict new laws being introduced by the government, it has emerged today.Man quietly sings ‘fuck you I won’t do what you tell me’ whilst putting jam on his scone first
24 April 2024 @ 10:22 am
Local Rebel Simon Williams is channelling the spirit of anti-authoritarian rock by rejecting social norms and putting the jam on his scone first, it has emerged today.Colleagues rally round Tory MP Hannibal Lector following cannibalism revelations
24 April 2024 @ 8:30 am
The Tory MP Hannibal Lector, who has found himself at the centre of a cannibalism scandal over the weekend, has received fulsome backing from friends and colleagues.Brave patriot highlights his love of country and St George by hurling traffic cone at policeman
23 April 2024 @ 3:08 pm
Lovers of St George have gathered in London to express their patriotism using their preferred communication medium of mindless thuggery and violence.Games Workshop further outrages fans by changing name of Corpse Starch to Snickers
23 April 2024 @ 2:03 pm
Games Workshop have added to recent controversy in the popular Warhammer 40K line by changing the name of a well-established foodstuff to Snickers, it has emerged.Laurence Fox demands Google ‘forget’ St. George was actually a Turkish migrant
23 April 2024 @ 8:54 am
Laurence Fox has made a submission to search giant Google via their ‘Right To Forget’ programme, in an effort to remove all online references to St George’s Greek nationality.Oppressed English forced to meet in hidden underground locations to safely wish each other a happy Saint George’s Day
23 April 2024 @ 7:19 am
The English are doing their best to celebrate St. George's Day in secret, as it's apparently illegal now.Man who hates the concept of ‘self-identification’ delighted that Rwanda has self-identified as ‘safe’
23 April 2024 @ 7:10 am
Right-wing Tory voters are today celebrating Rwanda's self-identification as a safe country being enshrined in law, despite his staunch belief that self-identification for transgender individuals is 'absurd'.