TheOnion.com

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast)

America's Finest most unfunniest News Source

What Reddit Users Can Expect Now That The Company Is Public

28 March 2024 @ 10:30 am

The social media site Reddit successfully launched an IPO last week that raised $748 million. The Onion examines what Reddit users can expect now that the company has gone public.Read more...

NFL Approves Major Changes To Kickoff Rules

28 March 2024 @ 10:15 am

The NFL completely overhauled its kickoff rules, taking elements used in the XFL in an effort to make the play a more integral part of the game and decrease the number of touchbacks to keep the ball in play. What do you think?Read more...

Secretary Of Education Fired After Throwing Chair At Nation

28 March 2024 @ 10:00 am

WASHINGTON—Having acknowledged that his behavior was completely uncalled for no matter how rude the U.S. populace had acted, Education Secretary Miguel Cardona was fired Wednesday after he reportedly threw a chair at the nation. “Unfortunately, Secretary Cardona got into an argument with the nation yesterday that…Read more...

Baltimore’s Key Bridge Collapses

27 March 2024 @ 7:25 pm

The Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed yesterday after a 948-foot cargo ship struck it departing the port, causing the governor to declare a state of emergency. What do you think?Read more...

Hobby Lobby Announces It Muslim Now

27 March 2024 @ 5:07 pm

Read more...

But Dog Likes Fighting For Money

27 March 2024 @ 3:55 pm

CHICAGO—Pleading with animal rescue authorities as they wrestled him into the back of a van, local pit bull mix Pistol stated Wednesday that he likes fighting for money. “But I’m so good at it—please!” said Pistol, who reportedly panicked as he caught one last glimpse of the beloved dog-fighting compound he called…Read more...

Grandmother Spends Entire Day Peeling Single Potato

27 March 2024 @ 3:45 pm

DANVILLE, KY—Determined to complete the task though her progress was slowed by the root vegetable continually slipping from her arthritic grasp, local grandmother Dolores Wheeler reportedly spent all of Wednesday peeling a single potato. “We really want to help her, but anytime one of us goes in there, she shoos us…Read more...

Worst Side Effects Ozempic Users Don’t Want You To Know About

27 March 2024 @ 10:30 am

While the popular weight loss drug Ozempic might seem like a godsend, the medication is not without its downsides, including a laundry list of potential health complications. The following are the worst side effects that Ozempic users don’t want you to know about. Read more...

Lint Roller Passed Over Crotch Ahead Of Date

27 March 2024 @ 10:15 am

Read more...

Trump’s Civil Fraud Bond Lowered To $175 Million

27 March 2024 @ 10:00 am

A New York appeals court ruled that it would accept a bond of $175 million, reduced from $454 million, from Donald Trump, preventing the attorney general from collecting the former president’s assets while he appeals the judgment against him. What do you think?Read more...