News with a humourous edge
People who did ‘Dry January’ not feeling so smug today, finds study
2 February 2026 @ 9:22 am
People who abstained from alcohol throughout January are today feeling like shit warmed up, a study has revealed.“I think I was at Nando’s this time,” insists Andrew
2 February 2026 @ 7:37 am
Andrew Mountbatton-Windsor has insisted today that he did not meet a further woman for sex in 2010 because he had actually gone to Nando's. In Woking. Elon Musk avoids Epstein questions by hiding in empty ‘Melania’ screening
2 February 2026 @ 7:12 am
The world’s richest man Elon Musk has managed to evade questions surrounding his relationship with paedophile Jeffrey Epstein by hiding in an empty screening of the new ‘Melania’ documentary.We went to the cinema to see the Melania documentary so you don’t have to – this is what we discovered
30 January 2026 @ 12:02 pm
The new Melania documentary has been released in UK cinemas, so we bought a ticket to the Cineworld in Bracknell to see what all the fuss is about. This is what we discovered.“…and you lot can f**k off as well,” Badenoch tells Tory voters
30 January 2026 @ 10:23 am
Kemi Badenoch has followed up her criticism of those MPs who’ve left the party for Reform and the newly formed Prosper group of centrists by launching a stinging attack on the people who actually vote for the party.“Britain is the greatest country in the world that’s a big pile of shit and we hate it,” say Reform
30 January 2026 @ 7:21 am
The insurgent Reform Party appear to have settled on a core message, that Britain is the greatest country in the world, that they hate it, and it’s awful.Tesla revenue shrinks in rapidly growing EV market as customers show reluctance to give money to bellends
29 January 2026 @ 1:56 pm
Tesla has reported a significant fall in revenue for 2025, despite the electric vehicle market growing by roughly 25%, prompting analysts to confirm that EV consumers are showing increasing reluctance to give money to twats.“I have to hate Springsteen now, too?” ask tearful Magaloons, realising all that’s left for them is Kid Rock
29 January 2026 @ 12:35 pm
Following Bruce Springsteen's release of a new song criticising the Trump regime's actions in Minnesota, a large percentage of MAGA followers have expressed dismay as they felt duty-bound to immediately purge and burn all their Springsteen records. Xi Jinping prepares for meeting with Keir Starmer by reading all his emails
29 January 2026 @ 11:26 am
Chinese Premier Xi Jinping has prepared to introduce a new era of trust and honesty between Britain and China by reading all of Sir Keir Starmer's emails, it has emerged this morning.Trump insists time running out for Iran to make deal on the nuclear capability he ‘totally obliterated’ a few months ago
29 January 2026 @ 11:02 am
Donald Trump has warned Iran that “time is running out” to strike a deal over its nuclear capabilities, despite having previously assured the world that those same capabilities were “completely, totally, absolutely obliterated forever” during Operation Midnight Hammer, which he described at the time as “the most successful obliteration anyone’s ever seen.”