America's Finest most unfunniest News Source
Airlines Now Required To Refund Canceled Or Delayed Flights In Cash
26 April 2024 @ 5:49 pm
The Transportation Department issued a new rule requiring airlines provide customers with automatic cash refunds in the event of flight cancellations or significant delays, saving passengers a projected $500 million in the next year. What do you think?Read more...Mom Pretty Jealous Of All The Dick Teenage Daughter Going To Pull With Those Highlights
26 April 2024 @ 5:40 pm
NEW GLARUS, WI—Tsking her tongue with envy as she put the finishing touches on her teen’s at-home hairstyling, local mom Sandra Bennett told reporters Friday that she was pretty jealous of all the dick her daughter was going to pull with those highlights. “Honestly, I’m happy knowing what these dirty blond…Read more...U.S. Bans TikTok
26 April 2024 @ 3:46 pm
President Biden signed a bill into law banning TikTok nationwide unless the Chinese company that owns it, ByteDance, sells its stake in the app within a year. What do you think?Read more...Heart Transplant Recipient Walks Daughter Of Deceased Donor Pig Down Aisle
26 April 2024 @ 3:25 pm
CHICAGO—Standing with the bride amid joyful tears from all present, heart transplant recipient Ronald Huger recently honored a dying wish from his donor when he walked the late pig’s daughter down the aisle at her wedding, sources confirmed Friday. “Your father wrote a letter before he passed away asking that whoever…Read more...Women Explain Why They Are Attracted To Walton Goggins’ Character In ‘Fallout’
26 April 2024 @ 12:21 pm
Recent reports have indicated that a number of female fans are thirsting over the Ghoul. The Onion asked women to explain why they are attracted to Walton Goggins’ mutant character in the new TV series Fallout, and this is what they said.Read more...Eco-Friendly Home
26 April 2024 @ 12:20 pm
This uniquely shaped home made of bio-based materials hangs from the eaves of someone else’s garage so you won’t have to pay any property taxes. Must share with thousands of current residents.Read more...Mall Still Hasn’t Removed Rotting Santa Claus
26 April 2024 @ 12:11 pm
WICHITA, KS—Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square still hadn’t removed its now-rotting Santa Claus from a seasonal display in the mall. “He looked nice when they first put him there, right after Thanksgiving, but now that he’s all…Read more...Give Us $1 Or ‘The Onion’ Disappears Forever
25 April 2024 @ 10:00 pm
Today, billions of readers like yourself navigated to The Onion seeking dispatches from America’s Finest News Source. Like so many have done through the decades, you doubtless entered the hyperlink in a glazed stupor, hoping to see reporting of grave importance. However, today, this was not to be. You see, The Onion is…Read more...Pros And Cons Of Using The Passive Voice In Journalism
25 April 2024 @ 6:40 pm
Rather than specify that a government, army, or police officer killed civilians, many news outlets prefer merely to say that those civilians “were killed.” The Onion investigates the pros and cons of using the passive voice in journalism.Read more...Shadowboxing Nation Just Rewatched ‘Rocky II’
25 April 2024 @ 12:15 pm
PHILADELPHIA—Triumphantly punching through the air as they dodged an imaginary foe, the shadowboxing nation confirmed this week that they had just rewatched 1979’s Rocky II. “God, the part where Rocky’s training right-handed instead of southpaw—oh, and then the chicken-chasing scene! Man, young Sly always hits…Read more...